Underneath My Smile
by Eternal Silence
Summary: I'd like to say my life's been going so great, but I can't. I can't say its perfect but I guess that's obvious anyway. What I'd like to say is my life just hasn't been going that great lately. Chester


**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything except Chester's Mom. 

**Note:** This is Chester's POV, and this is supposed to be a notebook he's writing in.

**Underneath My Smile**

Hi, my name is Chester McBadbat. I don't know why I'm writing this but I am. I guess its because I have nothing to do, seeing as my only friends, AJ and Timmy both left to summer camp. I couldn't go because my Dad couldn't afford it. My Dad can't afford much anymore, we're actually very lucky to even have a roof over our heads. Okay, okay, so maybe its just a trailer, but hey it's a home.

There are though days when I really wish we had more money. Sometimes I wish my dad wasn't such a bad baseball player cuz if he wasn't we'd be so rich. Or at least we'd have enough money so that we'd be able eat three complete meals. Or at least to have a real home and a real couch instead of these two lawn chairs and this toilet we have to sit on. But than I really shouldn't complain. At least I'm not on the streets, at least I have two good friends, and although I only have one parent, at least I have him.

You know, I'd really like to say that my life's been going so great, but I can't. I can't say that my life's perfect, but I guess that that's obvious anyway. Well what I'd really like to say is my life just hasn't been going that great lately. Actually, its kind of 'so far', but I really don't want to say that. It's just, a lot of things have happened and things with my family are only getting worse.

Hey Timmy, AJ, I know you two are reading this. I know because I plan on giving this notebook to you two someday. I'm going to because I want you guys to know the real me, to know what's really going on in my life, and what has happened already that neither of you know about.

And you know that smile I always have on? Well its not always real. I'm not always as happy as you two think I am. I mean I'm not depressed or anything, but I'm just not that happy. I just don't want people to wonder or worry about me, so whenever there is someone around, I give them my brace-filled smile. Then when they go, so does it; I never smile when I'm by myself. Well I do when I'm watching something funny on TV., but than usually it doesn't work so I have to bang it up a bit. Usually that frustrates me so my smile is cursed to never appear.

Hey, that actually sounded smart. I bet you two are really surprised, I know I am. Maybe I'm not as stupid as I thought I was, but than you know I really shouldn't say that. My Mom told me never to dirade desade oh I remember now. My Mom told me never to degrade myself. I bet that one really shocked you guys. I bet neither of you even knew I had a mom, much less knew her. And just for your information, I did, although I barely even remember her. I don't even remember what she looks like, her face is just one big blur to me. The only thing I really remember about her is her hair, her hair was so beautiful. It was long and golden, with the smell of strawberries. I used to love to run my fingers through it, her hair was so soft.

I was only five when she died, so I really don't have any clear memories of her. I only remember that one day she got sick and my Dad told me she may never get better. I remember my mom crying a lot when she was sick. Oh wait, I do remember one moment, it isn't very clear, but it's the only story I can tell.

Flashback: Five years ago…

I was sitting on my Mom's lap and she was stroking my hair. Tears were falling from her eyes and I think she might have been humming a song.

"Why are you crying?" I'm sure I asked.

"I'm not crying," She said, "it's the rain."

I don't remember what I told her and than I believe she said that it was raining on her face. I started to laugh and than I forgot what happened and than she ran away, crying even harder.

Back to now…

Well after a while my Mom was just all of a sudden gone. I came home from a bad day of kinder garden and she just wasn't there. Although I don't remember it I know my Dad was crying, he told me my Mom was gone.

Flashback: Five years ago…

"Where'd she go?" I asked.

"She went on a trip, for a long time." My Dad answered.

"But why? Why'd she leave us?"

"Well she didn't want to go, she just had to"

(Not exact words OK Timmy and AJ?)

Back to now…

That's what my Dad said, he told me my Mom went on a trip. I guess he was to afraid to tell me she died. And well, I believed him. I would wait up at night sometimes wondering when my Mom was going to come home. Than one day, my Dad told me the truth.

Flashback: Three years ago…

"Daddy," I asked my Dad, "when's Mommy coming home?"

I bet he had a shocked face behind that paper bag. "Y-you're Mom? Well, son there's something- I need to tell you." He sat me down on a chair and he bent down to my height. "Your mom, Sharonn, she well didn't go on a trip, " Tears sort of filled his eyes, "you see Chester, your mom, she-she" He paused for a long moment, "she's dead." He whispered.

I was shocked, I just couldn't believe my ears. My Mom was… dead.

Back to now…

I was really shocked that day, but I didn't cry. I didn't because it just didn't really seem real to me. It didn't feel as though she died, it was like my Mom was still on that trip she was never really on. Its really weird how when someone dies and it feels that way. I wonder how all the people who cry a lot feel. Maybe they feel the same but maybe they just miss them a lot. I understand. Sometimes, mostly when I was small, I used to kind of miss her like that. And I know this sounds cruel, but since she wasn't in my life too long, I really don't miss her that much. That's why I don't cry. And because her death doesn't feel real to me, I don't know why it just doesn't.


End file.
